


Cosmical Error

by Hopeful_Foolx



Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Category: The Amelia Project (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Being Lost, Emotional Hurt, Existential Crisis, Existential dread gets a hell of a lot more complicated when you don't exist, Gen, I LOVE that he doesn't exist as a tag yet, I do in fact not know what I'm doing, omg anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: The thing with not-existing is.... it makes an existential crisis one hell of a lot more complicated- Whumtober day 20: Lost
Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945483
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	Cosmical Error

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ailendolin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailendolin/gifts).



> Alternatively: Percy gets Freeformed because he doesn't have a character tag and that made my freaking day. Also, I am too proud of that stupid joke I pulled please deal with it. And yey, not under a pseud this time!  
> \- Disclamer: I promised you feels for Percy, and I tried not to disappoint. Even if I now kind of understand why he got deleted.

Percy just walks. It’s all he does. 

What else is there to do? 

Existential dread gets a lot more complicated when you don’t actually exist, he had decided at one point. Partly for philosophical reasons, a long question following those two words. There is a whole branch dedicated to that problem. Can he even dread it? On the other hand, he doesn’t really have anything else to do except for thinking, and dreading sounds especially good. So he wanders around just doing exactly that. Maybe sulking, but nobody  _ sees _ so an equal number can judge. It’s part of existential dread to judge oneself, maybe. But he does exist, right? If he fell out of existence, if deleting him really just blew him out of it, he would not still be here. Wherever here is. 

Which is a thing he is not sure about - where is  _ here _ ? Because everything around him is just nothingness. There is nothing  _ around _ him, nothing  _ beneath _ him, he walks, yes, but every direction is the same. There is light but no source of it, and if the floor is a floor, then he doesn’t really feel it. He just walks to do something, really, and continues on because he neither gets tired nor anything else - likely because he now does not exist at all. It’s a knot in his brain, really, if he could just decide on something! He can’t get tired, his legs don’t ache, he is neither cold nor warm, the list goes on. And he repeats it over and over because really, what  _ does _ he have to do? 

What else is there to do except for walking? He tried, he tried everything by now - sitting, laying around, rolling around, nothing really does anything. Walking neither but it’s more dignified at least. He doesn’t have a lot these days.    
The thing is, in his opinion at least, he should have a backstory by now. Not a real background, but every character has holes. What does it matter if he doesn’t know where he is from, or anything, really? He could just say he’s lost his memory. Nobody needs to know that he never had any - it’s the same result in any case. And considering the fact that he went on quite an adventure, there is a lot he can remember now. Also, he is especially proud of that, he knows that he likes or doesn’t like things now. For example, smells. He knows that a lot of smells are horrible. And tastes, though he is sure that he would maybe even enjoy chocolate with less sugar - one day. He’s now seen a lot of things. Things because how would he call it other than that, and a lot because it’s more than nothing but that is all he knows for certain. That he didn’t like it is really his own problem. Also, if he didn’t exist at all, he wouldn’t be here - not conscious of himself. At this point he refuses to see it as a twisted way to torment him further, anyone would have gotten too bored with this. He thought it through, time enough for that he has, oh he has.    
Maybe he asked too much? No, actually, he just wanted to live somewhere that was not a podcast. Which is a whole different problem - a set of them, really, since now he lives nowhere. Even the word ‘lives’ is a problem. He himself is a whole set of problems, not alive, not real, just not anything. Still he is here, but it only brings him back to the start. That’s the problem, he moves in circles and nothing else. Around and around again, he gets back to the start with not a grain of knowledge more than at the beginning. He doesn’t exist and yet he does, he is not real and yet he feels real and if he wasn’t so annoyed with (and yes, he will call it that for the time being, what else would he call it) wandering around here, he would maybe even be scared. Is this supposed to continue in all eternity? Has it already been a whole eternity? He could walk on the spot and wouldn’t know.

He had liked the airport. Is it that hard to find a similar place?    
Any place at all? It’s all he needs, a place to exist. He is nothing more than a name, a million questions and a few memories, there should be a place somewhere. High dreams and plans seem far away, as far as existing does too, right now he’d actually prefer to just go back. Wherever. Whenever.

But he can’t go back, he walked so far by now and he will go further.

What else is there to do? 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :D


End file.
